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[11 May 2005|07:18am] |
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mood |
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Well, I can't remember the last time I wrote in here so I figured I would. Since Im online every morning before work I am going to make this into a diary/dream site. I have some crazy dreams... minus well write or type them.
Ok, lets write...
It's nuts to think that I'm 19 years old. I still feel like belong in high school. However, here I am with a 9-5 kind of job as an MA already. I just got my first real paycheck.. you know the kind where it has 40+ hours and your not getting paid minimum wage lol. It felt nice to see those numbers! And I'm still learning so much at that office. Right now Im going in the room with the doctor a lot and Ive brought back patients and have called them for results as well. Its interesting to say the least. The only thing that sucks is that I have about zero time to myself during the week. The doctor NEVER gets done on time. Even though we close at 5 she usually doent see the last patient until about 6-6:15... then we still have to close up. Yeah, thats my work life.
Other than that Brandon and I are still good. He just quit his job... ive been telling him to do that for about a month now. His route wasnt helping him at all. It was great money, but driving 200+ miles a day is enough to make someone depressed and he was always a grouch. Hopefully that stops. I hope he gets accepted into school.
Speaking of school, I wonder if I will ever go back. I would like to eventually get my RN. I guess I souldnt rush things technically Im still on my externship for the school I just went to right now. We will see....
Lets see plans for the weekend... call byrd and see how her belly is doing (shes pregnant!), hang with my sis Saturday morning, go to the mall Sunday, go to the park with my nephew, and I need a tan desperatly. I think thats it.
xoxo toodles!
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| Something is.... different |
[20 Jun 2004|02:55am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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So much has changed for me in the past year... and I can honestly say, I miss my old life. I saw Sandis poem and thought about what I miss, here it is:
I miss helping out at Waldens and goofing off with my sister
I miss my spontaneous schedule
I miss the crowded halls
I miss trying hard to get Brandons attention
I miss talking to my cousin everyday
I miss Sahily coming over after school and getting ready for work
I miss the excitement
I miss going to Mike band practices and our conversations
I miss being able to flirt
I miss Cory
I miss having a reason to cry
I miss my old friends
I miss my tan
I miss Sylvia and how we always got lost
I miss the concerts
I miss joyriding with Kim and always ending up at Wal-Mart
I miss being able to sleep well
I miss my father
I miss my mother being happy
I miss understanding the way I feel
I miss it all and everyone
I wish I knew how to fix it all
I love you all, thanks for everything.
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| :'( :'( :'( :'( |
[10 Dec 2003|12:55pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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RIP Kathy Ibanez
<3 Forever you'll be in my heart. <3
Kathy was a good friend of mine and last Friday she passed away. Everyone please say a prayer for her family and especially Kathy's mother, she is not doing to well.
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| thinking...... |
[04 Nov 2003|11:04pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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Alien Ant Farm - Glow *my happy song* |
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Today was kinda fun. Beings it is spirit week at our school we all dress up retarded... at least i like to. Today was "Cartoon Day".. I think I seen 2376892 Spongebob's at my school. I was the Chesire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. I had ears and wore fishnets... it was interesting. Tomorrow is messy hair/mix match day. Im wearing my hair in high pigtails and teasing them up, glasses, blue and white plaid pants, red shirt, tie, and some kinda shoes hehe.
On my report card I did pretty well, I have a 3.8 GPA this nine weeks. Damn English... I got a 'b'
As for home life, things are changing. Not bad, just different. The weird part is I cant show you anything thats different, its just the way everything feels. I may regret saying this later but, its almost as if Im complete. It seems everyone strives for that feeling, however Im not too sure I want it. Yeah, sometimes the reassurance does feel nice... but wheres the challenge? After all the striving, then what?.. You work so hard, achieve your goals.. and thats it? Im just supposed to enjoy this forever? Well.. maybe not forever, but for now?... I need a big beaming light at the end of my tunnel to go for... and right now Im staring at a flashlight... not much motovation to go for the flashlight. Maybe Im just being greedy by wanting too much. Maybe I dont even know what the hell im talking about...
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| ding dong the wicked witch is back |
[27 Oct 2003|09:00am] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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misfits - last caress |
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Right now it's 9 in the morning and I'm at home... blah. You know what that means. I got sick :( Brandon and I went to my sisters house Saturday night to spend the night. We were fighting with the kids and I think I broke something in my foot, it hurts like a bitch. We watched SNL: The Best of Chris Farley. Then I woke up all sickly and crap. Spent all day Sunday with my failing attempt to get well.
Life is general is going well. Still working at Papa Johns, which has its ups and downs. School is going smoothly with the exception of English.. that woman is going to hell along with my throat. Brandon and I are doing good, Im just trying to get used to having a serious relationship. My photography skills are getting better each day, though I am having second thoughts on my career choices.
Here are my random thoughts right now
*AOL 9.0 is pissing me off
*bleaching some parts of my hair could be cute
*why am i so fucking scared to get my nose pierced???
*i need to get my check cashed that way i can get my black wings for Halloween.. and possibly a nose piercing :-X
*i should write in here more often...
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[21 Sep 2003|11:11am] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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music |
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Billy Talent - Try Honestly |
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Everything lately seems surreal, life is actually good. It sounds rather typical of me to say that my life has never been like this, and I'm used to being unhappy with whats going on, yet its the truth. I'm used to trying so hard just to make everything OK. Lately though, I've been in the backseat, just going with everything. Im almost scared to get used to it or like it.. thats when it usually leaves.
I guess I can recap a little on whats been going on. School blows. All my classes are easy though with the exception of English I have all A's. This year seems different. Im getting to know a lot of different people... and I love it. Im such a people-person :) And to have such a mixed group of friends is awesome. They are all individuals. Photography is probaby most interesting with my friends. Theres me, I dress a little punky I guess, Heather a sporty jock, Nyila ghetto girl, and Holly a little prep. Talk bout diversity!
I pissed off my mom the other day. I want my nose pierced sooooo bad and now all of a sudden that Im serious about getting it she decided to change her mind!! GRRRR... so I got a fake one at the mall. She thought it was real at first and charged after me in the house.. damn she was scary. LoL. It looks so adorable, its a little silver hoop. Ill get it eventually, i always get my way.
Work has been decent. Im getting used to everyone there, so Im opening up a lot more now. Last night Angel and I were playing a shooting game... basically running around the store acting like we were killing each other lol. I think one of the new guy likes me. Hes always looking at me and smiling.. kinda weird.
Other than that just a lot of litle things. Got some kick ass new age books! "Hex and the City" and "The Good Spell Book" both are pretty interesting. I also got bored not that long ago and made some shirts and crap, fun stuff. Went costume shopping for Halloween and found one that Im HOPEFULLY going to get:
http://www.lollipoplingerie.com/stat/RI2-48-3183.html
go there and check it out! I guess thats about it... i gotta wok on my research paper thats due tomorrow!
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| in general... |
[16 Aug 2003|11:02pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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Nirvana - Lithium |
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School blows. I cant say that enough. The one class that I think I am gonna enjoy though, is Photography. Im VERY excited to get my camera. I have a feeling it will go wherever I go. So heres my schedule...
1st - English 4 Honors
*Teacher is a bihotch, but an old friend is in there*
2nd - Guidence Office runner
*Finally... Im not stuck in a desk!!*
3rd - Economics Honors
*Class seems difficult, the teach kicks ass though*
4th - Aide for Mr. Vickers
*Former Bio teacher, hes awesome*
5th - Photography
*YEEEEEEEESSSSSS*
6th - Marine Bio Honors
*Probably the easiest Science class Ive ever taken, Im dropping that class next semester*
7th - NO CLASS!!!!!!
As for me and Byrd.. she wrote me a email. Kinda gay, but shes really unconfrontational. Im not gonna post any of the email or anything, thats private but it basically said how I 'use' her and things. Which I dont understand beings we havent really hung out all summer, but whatever. I wrote her back this afternoon. We'll see how things turn out in a couple days or so.
Well I gotta go now... Brandon just got another speeding ticket.. :-(
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| just about right... haha ;-) |
[06 Aug 2003|12:08am] |
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mood |
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 sore |
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music |
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Waterdown - The One Thing |
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 Your Bedroom Personality Is Seductive!You leave a lasting impression on each partner.What this means:In each relationship, you take the role of the seducer or seductress. You set the scene, light the candles, and make sure a good time is had. You are a true master when it comes to foreplay and sex. What your lovers love about you:You are more than a good lover - you are an expert teacher. You show your lovers what it means to bathe in sensuality. Turning them into seductive types once your relationship is over. What your lovers can't stand about you:You take the act of seduction seriously... So seriously that quick sex is pretty much out of the quesiton. As well as, no frills comfort sex. What's *Your* Bedroom Personality?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva |
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| 'bite me and scratch me like that' |
[29 Jul 2003|01:59am] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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music |
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Bright Eyes - Pull My Hair |
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Ahhh.. a song I can relate to by Bright Eyes... how fuckin cute. I havent written in here in quite awhile and im not tired yet... so here we go. Where should we start? Today I baby-sat ALLLLLL day 7am-5:30, it sucked but ill admit it was a little more fun than usual. Sheena came over while I baby-sat for a while and the we went back to my house. It was the first time we actually got to hang out at a house with one another and talk. Its so nice having her back. I swear its like nothing has changed... we still talk to each other so freely about everything. I found out shes probably going to Wellington HS if she doesnt move. That blows, shes not into that idea too much either lol. Shes not exactly preppy :-\ Byrd came over after a while and we were all talking. That was about it for the day. But on another subject, I miss Brandon. Ever since he got into his car accident I havent seen him. Its almost been a week. I remember my ex, Chirs, I went w/o seeing him for a month and I was FINE. Now I cant go without seeing someone for a week!?!? Seriously, wtf is going on? Anyway... I got my week all planed out.. kinda. Tomorrow, or today rather now that I look at the time, Im going to sleep and then possibly go to Sandis... if im not there, Ill be at Mikes band practice. Wednesday, Sam and Sandi are coming over and 'preparing' muahaha. Thursday I work and LANES 19th B-DAY, then Fri/Sat/Sun I work also. Then maybe I'll get a day off lol. Ohhhh yeah, I work with Sam now. At first I was kinda nervous, thinking maybe the whole thing about her being a 'boss' to me wouldnt work out too well, but it really does. We bounce off each other really well, and know we can depend on each other so its all good.
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| a song that hits my heart |
[15 Jul 2003|11:42pm] |
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mood |
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mellow |
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music |
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a little too obvious *read the damn entry* |
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Im not in a bad mood or anything... i just know the feeling. Memories that linger, I wanna blow them all away.. out of my life, out of my mind, out of my heart.
*read the 2nd part in parenthesis if you never heard the song.. that line alone will make you love it
I felt you slip away
Far away from me
Further from me
You seem to drift far away
I caught myself wishing you back, as i fight to catch you
Anger wells inside me
I see me, frowning, in your eyes
(i see the fear in you where noone should ever be,
i find myself striving to catch you from..
this will hurt me less and less everytime until i feel nothing)
I see my reflection and the pain scripted across my face, set in stone
Anger wells inside of me
I see me, frowning in your eyes
Far away from me
Further from me
You seem to drift far away
I caught myself wishing you back as i strive for you
(she said "its not that i dont love you anymore,
but it would be much more accurate to say that i never loved you in the first place)
I put the fear in you where noone should ever be
Nothing to me
Everything to you
Nothing to me
Everything to you.
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| i wished my exs lived in texas |
[13 Jul 2003|10:51am] |
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mood |
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music |
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Beastie Boys - So Whatcha Want |
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LoL Sandi, Im sure you liked the title for this journal. Thursday night I went out with Mike as planned. First we were at Jaies house for his band practice and I heard Jen sing. Pretty voice, but I dont think thats the kind of sound they were going for? Im not too sure. Then we went our to Fridays to eat *thanks for the dinner mike!!* and then to Brians house and we watched a video of the band Converge, good band. Friday was pretty interesting, for a couple reasons. In the morning Sam Brian and I were supposed to go to the mall together. They kept on fighting however and Brian got out of the car while Sam was getting gas and walked home. They have the quickest make-up and break-ups ever. So just Sam and I went to the mall and I finally seen Sheena!! Shes exactly the same except no glasses anymore hehe. I hope she ends up going o my school!! In the afternoon Brandon, Chuck and Goo came over. Wow, talk about an interesting experience. They were beating the shit out of each other, literally. And we got the hose out and messed around and drew on the ground with side-walk chalk lol. And yes, I still have their fart spray :-D Then from 5-9 I was working. After work the fun began! My ex, Chris, called me. He was bitching to me about a conversation that I had with Sandi, in which I was saying how Chris was "jealous" and "mad" about Sandi talking to Geoff. First off between the time that Sandi left my house and this fight between Chris and I, I NEVER TALKED TO MY COUSIN. Yep, he was complaining to me about a conversation that didnt exsist. And also, there is no "Sandi and Geoff" to be jealous of!!! GRRRR. Then Chris brought up a second convo that he had with Sandi online that night. Apparently Sandi told him I was saying shit. Sandi sent me that convo, funny how I WASNT MENTIONED ONCE. I swear he gets into other peoples business b/c he doesnt have any. I even talked to Geoff that night after I talked to Chris and I felt so bad. Here he is meeting all these new people and Chris has to create alllll this drama and make Geoff feel like he is he problem, when its really Chris. -- Saturday was pretty chill. Brandon came over and we got to hang out before I went to work. It was cute, when we were outside saying goodbye he actually kept his arms around me for awhile (its the little things that get me lol) Then went to work from 6-9. *i love my hours* Then got home, lit off some fireworks with my niece and nephew, watched "Bubble Boy" and went to bed early for once! But that failed, Chris called me at midnight. Our conversation went like this... he asked if i was sleeping... then if i was still angry with him *at first he was gonna try and make-up with me but i wasnt about to let him after the lies and bullshit he put me through* so I said yep I AM ANGRY WITH YOU. I could tell he got all pissy, I messed up his plan to make things better with me.. so he was like "well just to let you know I have a STRONG disliking for you and your cousin right now" so i said "ok" in a sweet voice and hung up the phone. I hate drama. But I must admit its fun yelling at Chris, b/c he thinks he can win an argument with me, hes got another thing coming. I enjoy a challenge. And in the end, he pissed and I have a smirk. I WIN!
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| my hair sucks |
[09 Jul 2003|10:40pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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Starting Line - "Best Of Me" |
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Well I thought I was gonna sleep in but apparently someone else had other plans for me. Chuck woke me up asking me for my CD player, blah. Then they (Brandon and Chuck) come over and raided my room for their fart spray that i hid from them.. muahaha. I hid it tooo good though, I ended up telling them where it was. It was funny when Chuck was watching Brandon and I and he busted out with, "You know Brandon likes you, right? You two would make a cool couple. Why dont you two just go out already??" LOL! I just looked at Brandon and he was blushing and crap, too cute. I dunno whats going on though, I know hes too shy to ask me out. Im kinda scared to get the b/f and g/f title, Im not one to have restrictions. But anyways... moving on with my day....I dyed my hair, though it looks almost exactly the same GRRRRRR. It pisses me off sooooo bad. It seems no matter what color goes in it, its gonna spit the old color back in my face! -- My cousin is talking to this new guy Geoff. I even got to talk to him today, he seems really cool. Shes over my house right now. We were chillen and Brandon came over again to see my hair. We were torturing him with tampons.. he says that stuff makes him feel awkward hehe. -- Tomorrow I'm just gonna be chillen with Sandi until around 6, then Im going with Mike to his band practice. I havent got to hang out with him for awhile, so Im happy about that :) Hmm... that was about it for now. Time to go talk to my people xoxox
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| my first REAL entry |
[09 Jul 2003|01:40am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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Fiona Apple - "Paper Bag" |
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This morning sucked my ass. After a little under four hours of sleep I had to get up to go babysit for my sis at 6:15 in the morning. At about 2 Brandon stopped by to visit me for a couple hours. We played hide-and-go seek with the kids, he brings out the inner child in me all too easily. We're always beating the shit out of each other... i have beautiful bite marks on my shoulders from him lolol. Also while I was over there Sheena called me. It's so awesome for her to be living back in Florida. She brings back some of the few good memories I had as a child. And though she was always a couple states away from me for the past couple years we've still stayed close and our personaities seem to be getting more alike. Hopefully I'll be seeing her tomorrow before she has to work. Theres a good chance that for the up coming school year she will be going to John I., that will kick ass! Also, Im probably dying my hair again tomorrow for the 3rd time this summer whoohoo! lol. Maybe the red will decide to show this time ;-) xoxo
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| Grrr baby, very grrr |
[08 Jul 2003|10:19pm] |
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mood |
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Mmmkay. |
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music |
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Matt Skiba - Good Fucking Bye |
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Attempting to get this page to look right... not too sure what exactly I'm doing right or wrong lol. I guess we'll find out in a bit. Mike said he would help me out with this thing *thank you babe!!!* I'm sure everyone will be hearng from me soon. xoxo :-)
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